The Parenting Quiz is designed to raise important questions about your parenting style so that you can expand your effectiveness as a parent. At the end of this quiz, you will receive a score (only you will see your results) and you will receive suggestions to improve or expand your parenting skills.

Instructions: Please rate the statements below using the following “Rating Scale.” Add up your score, and then click the Submit button. Your “Evaluation Results” will appear. Then read the summary associated with your score from Lori & Bob Hollander about the steps you can take to expand your parenting repertoire and effectiveness.

Rating Scale: 4 – Always 3 – Frequently 2 – Sometimes 1 – Seldom 0 – Never

(1) After interactions with your child, do you feel positive, “connected,” and fulfilled?

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(2) Do you feel like your child’s “coach,” rather than your child’s “critic?”

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(3) During difficult and highly emotional times between you and your child, are you able to listen “intently” from your child’s point of view, remaining empathic, and allowing your child to experience being heard fully by you with a calm and open mind? That is, can you “take yourself out of the scene” and see and feel the situation from your child’s perspective?

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(4) Do you have the capacity, after hearing your child’s side of the story, to “make his or her case” back to the child, better than they have to you, as if you were their advocate, lawyer or defender?

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(5) Do you orchestrate your child’s success by being realistic and carefully measured about objectives and goals, providing clear direction, unwavering and unconditional support and any help that they may need to promote achievement?

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(6) Do you accept your child “at the precise point” where he or she may be, and begin working with him or her from that place, without judgment or disappointment?

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(7) Do you see your child as a complex, multifaceted human being struggling with the same anger, fear, sadness and guilt that adults must themselves contend with?

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(8) Are you aware of the 6 basic needs of children, to be………

a. cared for
b. understood
c. respected
d. trusted
e. accepted
f. appreciated

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(9) Do you do you practice “PT” (patience and tolerance) so that you are able to navigate those times when things are not going as planned?

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(10) If you feel that your response to your child has been an overreaction due to a separate stress in your own life, do you apologize for your overreaction immediately?

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(11) Are you more “process oriented” rather than “outcome” oriented? That is, are you more focused on the “underlying feelings and emotions” that drive behavior and results rather than on just on the “behavior” and “results” themselves?

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(12) Do you view your child as a complex interplay of emotion and thought, rather than “stereotyping” or labeling him or her, as for example, lazy, sloppy, dishonest, selfish, uncaring etc.?

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(13) Do you as a parent "practice what you preach"? That is, do you find that you are "living" and modeling for your child those values that you wish your child to adopt, such as patience, forgiveness, compassion, kindness and self-discipline?

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(14) If another parent were watching you throughout the day with your children, would you feel good about your parenting?

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(15) Are the messages to your child constructive, instructive and positive (helping your child solve problems and learn more about themselves), rather than negative (communicating a down-beat comment about the child as a person)?

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(16) In discussing a particular problem that your child is having, does your child leave the interaction feeling more thoughtful and hopeful, and have you supplied your child with the necessary “tools” and perspective to problem-solve independently?

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(17) Does you child leave interactions with you feeling “connected,” validated, valued and loved?

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(18) After interactions with your child, can you later look into a mirror and say to yourself, “I really did a good job here, and I feel good about myself.”

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(19) Are you as a parent willing to look at yourself, your emotions, mistakes and shortcomings, own them, and be ready to learn better ways of parenting?”

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(20) At strategic times, are you able to completely let go, drop what you are doing, and focus 100% on your child’s needs?

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