“The Lost Conversation” is the one that goes beyond the spoken word, diving deeper into the conflict, to uncover the hidden and unconscious conversations. Below the surface, it searches for understanding and meaning within each individual and their relationship. Here, right and wrong have no place, because at this level, both partner’s perceptions are always [...]

We’ve received a lot of great feedback about our communication topic over the past few weeks and it made us curious: What is communication like for couples in our community? What are the common issues and complaints? How can we support you even more in this arena? Even more, we thought you’d like to know, [...]

I want to talk with my partner about our relationship but I don’t know how to start. Every time we begin to talk we end up in an argument. We never have time to talk. It’s not easy to begin a difficult conversation with your partner, especially around sensitive relationship issues. Either you don’t know [...]

Dawn: Andy, all we do is argue! Don’t you see that we can’t figure this out by ourselves? We need a counselor. Andy: No way. I won’t tell a stranger all our private stuff. What do you do when you and your partner go round and round arguing about the same things? You know the [...]

The success of marriage comes not in finding the “right” person, but in the ability of both partners to adjust to the real person they inevitably realize they married. – John Fischer Ever wonder why we idealize our partner at the beginning of a relationship and overlook, ignore or deny the things we don’t like? [...]

Monday morning at the Hollanders office: 9 a.m. – Megan comes to counseling alone, “I want to work on our relationship but my husband refuses to come to counseling. He won’t even engage in a real discussion about ‘us’ because ‘we shouldn’t have to work on it.’ It feels like I’m the only one doing [...]

“I’ve asked my partner for the last two years to come to marriage counseling with me, but he refuses. I don’t understand why he is so adamant.” If we had a penny for every time we’ve heard that in the last 22 years, we’d be rich. There are many reasons that partners do not want [...]

“Life with Lori” can be problematic. I realize much in this relationship passes below my radar – so maybe I’m actually part of the problem – ya’ think? Bottom line: Sometimes I just don’t know what the heck is going on when we continue to replay old conflicts, as if we needed practice. What I [...]

The degree to which you and your partner take on and resolve conflict is the degree to which the commitment to the Relationship is strong. When couples begin counseling and proudly state they haven’t had an argument in years, we get concerned – either one or both are avoiding conflict or someone is not speaking [...]

Andrea: Every time we try to communicate about his affair, I feel so angry that the conversation escalates into a fight and we get nowhere. Randy: When she starts yelling at me, I feel so bad about how I’ve hurt her, I get defensive and start to attack back. But I’m really not angry at [...]