Three Steps to Better Workplace Relationships
By Lori Hollander, LCSW-C

Good relationships in the workplace are crucial to job satisfaction. Most of our time as adults is consumed by work-related activities. Research shows that a full-time employee spends approximately 75% of their time working, getting ready for work, commuting to and from work and thinking about work. And for many, interaction with co-workers, supervisors and customers takes up much of this time. As a matter of fact, surveys show that one of the main reasons that an individual stays with a particular organization long-term has to do with their relationships at work.

Since these relationships are so important to us, below are three suggestions to help you get along better with others at work, reduce conflict and increase your job satisfaction:

Step One – Manage Your Stress Well

Stress can be the enemy of good workplace relationships. When we have a lot of time on our hands, most of us can be somewhat patient with others and use relatively good interpersonal skills (listening, assertiveness). But when we’re experiencing a great deal of stress from too much to do, or from deadline pressure, our patience and ability to interact well with others can go out the window.

Our 21st century world is a stressful place. To have satisfying relationships - and good health – it’s important to proactively manage the stress in our lives on a daily basis. For example, make sure you’re taking at least one block of time per day to do something you enjoy whether it is reading, going for a walk or engaging in a favorite hobby. When you do, you allow you’re body and mind to de-stress (bring your heart rate down, blood pressure down, let the stress hormones like adrenaline run out of your blood stream) and you get into a better place for interacting calmly with your coworkers.

Step Two – Practice Other Centered Communication

Years ago, New York Telephone listened in on 500 telephone conversations, and found that the most common word people used when communicating was “I”. People are naturally self-focused. Most of us go from interaction to interaction throughout the day, exposing our agenda, thoughts and ideas to others.

But in order to build better relationships in the workplace, we have to be able to get outside of ourselves and be continually mindful of the needs and thoughts of other people. Stephen Covey, in The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, recommends that in communication we should “Seek first to understand, than be understood.” To accomplish this one must learn to reverse the typical order in which we naturally communicate. A good model to practice is as follows:

Step One: Let the other person go first, listening patiently to fully understand them.

Step Two: Then give your thoughts, opinion, ideas being mindful of what they first said.

This type of communication is considerate and makes people feel valued and understood. Imagine how you would feel if your boss and coworkers routinely used this process to communicate with you?

Of course, practicing this process may be a little uncomfortable initially because we’re so used to speaking our mind first in our culture, but in time it will become a wonderful habit that will revolutionize the quality of your relationships at work.

Step Three – Live the Golden Rule at Work

Finally, those that make the effort to treat others the way they want to be treated can have truly satisfying workplace relationships.

Think about it, most of us want others to take time with us, listen to us well, be patient and understanding with us and treat us with respect. But because we’re typically so busy and stressed at work, many of us don’t think through how we would like our co-workers to treat us, so that we can more intentionally treat them in those ways. The exercise below can be helpful to you if you’re interested in beginning to follow the “Golden Rule” in your interactions with others:

Step One: Make a list of the top 5 ways you’d like your co-workers, boss, customers to treat you (i.e. with respect, with kindness, etc.).

Step Two: Carry the list with you to work for a few weeks, and intentionally treat your co-workers in the ways you’d like to be treated until it becomes a habit.

Since its human nature for the people you interact with to treat you the way you treat them, over the course of a few short weeks you’ll notice that the quality of your interactions with others will become significantly better and more enjoyable.

For more information on Workplace Relationships with Lori and Bob Hollander click on:
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