Conflict, Mediation And Hope
By Robert Hollander, JD, LCSW-C
As to conflict, it has been said that “what
we need is not less conflict, but more conflict.” This may
seem rather a peculiar statement to make, but let’s examine
this a bit more closely before we start jumping to conclusions.
Case in point. Let us look back to the birth of our nation and
the “Founding Fathers.” In the very early beginnings
of our republic, when Jefferson penned the Declaration of Independence,
there was plenty of conflict! The “Founding Fathers”
collaborated, but mostly collided with each other on a daily,
if not a moment to moment, basis. And the result of such clash
and discord? Nothing less than our Constitution that has served
as a model for the rest of the all emerging democracies over centuries
of time.
Now let’s take a major leap forward in
time, and compare this example of “successful conflict,”
with another completely different situation. Let us turn now to
the deposed dictator of Iraq, Saddam Hussein, and his last election
to presidency of this country. Here, no conflict could be detected
at all. Actually, all you have to do is look at the final tally
of the voting, which would readily reveal that Mr. Hussein had
won 100% of the total vote cast. Although he ran unopposed, still,
everyone in the country voted, and everyone voted for him. Absolutely
no conflict - and look at the finished product!
But really now, how can one say that we need
“more” conflict. The historian William Luckas made
the startling statement that “prejudice” was the necessary
beginning of learning. What he went on to say afterwards was that
it is not the “prejudices” at the outset that matter
so much, but, more importantly, it is how we handled our prejudicial
attitudes afterwards. If we can find the capacity within ourselves
to be more open about our “pre-judgements,” if we
can become more aware and move beyond old repetitive thoughts
and misperceptions, we can spring to a whole new reality containing
numerous possibilities.
Conflict resolution draws upon this same understanding.
Although we may find ourselves in a place of conflict with “preformed”
judgments and expectations about our “adversary” and
about the situation, it does not necessarily have to play out
this way in a tired, repetitive fashion. If we allow our minds
to open, if old and tired ideas, stereotypes and characterizations
of our self-proclaimed “enemies” do not continue to
imprison us, we can move to another place - a place of deeper
understanding. There we will find a new chemistry and interaction
and more honest, clear and robust communication.
To realize such a process, mediators, acting something like medieval
alchemists, be it in the realm of divorce, family or business
matters, will aid conflicting parties in keeping a tight reign
upon the “emotional mind,” which tends to stop or
at least limit creative thought. Instead, the mediator will encourage
and guide people to access their “rational mind” –
that part of the psyche that possesses the distinct capacity to
locate mutual interests and creative paths which shall move them
toward first recognizing, and then satisfying shared interests
and goals.
It demands a person who is not only familiar
with the facts, but maybe more importantly, one who is familiar
with the underlying feelings that will lead people toward honest
collaboration. With a clear command of both of these realms, the
facts and feelings that exist between “adversaries,”
a mediator can help guide those in conflict toward the development
of new options and ultimate collaboration and agreement.
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