“What Makes a Sexy Woman?”

Lori Hollander Speaks with SmartWoman Online

“As a woman, a business owner married to my business partner and a relationship counselor, I have dealt with this question often. My personal and professional experience has led me to see that men and women think very differently about the answer. I find generally that women tend to define their sexiness based upon how they feel about their appearance. Am I skinny enough, is my skin smooth enough, am I pretty enough?... There is a real feeling that we should all look like the models and stars on television and in magazines. When we don't meet those standards, we don't feel sexy. I remember being pregnant with my first child, having gained 35 lbs. (I was only 98 lbs. to begin with!) and my husband told me he thought I looked sexy! I thought he was out of his mind!

What has been eye-opening for me in discussing this with my husband, and in our teamwork doing relationship counseling with other couples, is that most men think their wives/partners are sexy, no matter how she looks. Men don't understand when their wife/partner complains that she is overweight or that she doesn't like her hair. They say," You look sexy to me," and think that should fix the problem. Women have a hard time accepting this when they don't feel "good enough" about themselves. The truth is that a woman's feeling of sexiness depends upon her internal self-evaluation.
I have come to the conclusion that what makes a woman the most sexy is when she believes she is sexy no matter how she looks! This is what I have found to be true in relationships. So SmartWomen...listen up - If you want to be a SexyWoman in your relationship, feed your feelings of self-esteem and accept your partner's feelings that you are the sexiest woman in his life! We are not perfect women, but we are perfect for our partners.”

--From SmartWoman Magazine, Jan/Feb 2006