Superstition has it that kissing your loved one at midnight ensures that your bond of affection will continue through the New Year. It is believed to set the pattern of connection in motion. Without that connection, the relationship will turn cold and barren.

Wouldn't it be nice if that was all we had to do to ensure a loving relationship for 2010?

This year, 80 million Americans will make New Year's resolutions, the most popular ones being losing weight, exercising more, getting out of debt, saving more money, quitting smoking, drinking less, finding a better job, and being more organized.

As relationship coaches and counselors, we can't help but notice that all of these goals are meant for the individual. So, we decided to focus on resolving to "Take Your Relationship to Extraordinary in 2010."

Before we explain how, let's address the issue that no matter what kinds of resolutions you make, most of them will not last. Mark Twain said,


Statistics show how many of these resolutions are maintained as the year progresses:

* past the first week: 75%
* past 2 weeks: 71%
* after one month: 64%
* after 6 months: 46%
* by year's end: 3%

These stats show how easy it is for us to break commitments to new behaviors. Sustaining the promises of change we make to our relationships takes perseverance and conscious effort until the new behaviors become habits.

Here's how to take your relationship to extraordinary in 2010 - and how to make it stick:

1) It takes more than a New Year's kiss. Any change you want to make in your relationship takes conscious thought, planning, and effort. And it may mean you have to do things you are not accustomed to doing. Michael York says,


We always tell our clients that if they are not feeling uncomfortable at times, then they are not trying any new behaviors. For instance, if you or your partner want to have more affection in your relationship this year, then you need to give more touches, more kisses, more hugs to your partner than you naturally would.

2) Set goals together and write them down. Set aside time to talk with each other about what would make your relationship extraordinary - better communication, less conflict, more affection, more variety in your sex life, regular dates, time alone together.

Write goals that are specific, measurable, attainable, realistic and decide on a time frame. For example, don't write, "more time alone"; write "plan three dates next month - dinner, movies, museum" or "schedule two weekends away, one in March and one in September, at a bed and breakfast."

3) Start with one goal. Pick only one goal to start with. Only after that one is planned or is well on its way to being met should you focus on another. If we try to change too much at once, it won't happen.

4) Take action. Decide which part each of you needs to play, what behavior you will commit to change and who will be responsible for making the plans. Agree when you will follow-up with each other about progress.

5) Create a new habit. It's though that if you do something different for 21 days, it will become a habit. Put up reminders or set your intention every morning to implement the change. Keep the bigger picture in mind.

6) Keep going. With your new habit in place, start on your next goal. Perseverance is the name of the game. By this time next year, you will have a lot to celebrate!

We wish you a healthy, joyous New Year!! And an extraordinary year for your relationship!!