March 17, 2010: "To have sex or not to have sex?" That is the Question

There is lots of uncertainty in the dating arena. One of the biggest questions we hear (mostly from women) is: When should I have sex with him?

The short answer is: When you choose to. But it is a lot more complicated than that.
Since there is no "right" answer to this question, let's take a look at making a healthy choice. It's easier to start by looking at when not to have sex.

• In the heat of the moment. When you choose to have sex solely based upon your physical response, your head, heart and hormones are fragmented. Not knowing how you are going to feel the next morning, whether he is ever going to call you again or if he has ever had an STD or an AIDS test is risky business.

• When you feel pressured. Having sex because you're worried that your refusal will result in him not dating you is a betrayal of yourself. If he is a truly caring guy, he will respect your wishes and admire you for valuing yourself and making your own decisions about your body.

• When you have had too much to drink. No further explanation required.

• When your decision is based upon loneliness, fear of being unloved or escape from pain. If having sex is a soothing mechanism for underlying fear or anxiety, it most likely will not result in making a healthy choice.

Now, when should you have sex with someone you are dating:

• When you have made a conscious choice to do so.

• When head, heart and hormones are in balance.

• When you feel respected.

• When you have talked about STDs, AIDs and birth control.

• When there is a "tipping point" - where the delicate trust you have begun to build in the other person outweighs the risks.

Having said all of this, there are no guarantees when you make a choice to share sexual intimacy with another. So take charge of your body, make the healthiest choices you can and be true to yourself. We would love to hear your thoughts about this on our Facebook Page - http://www.facebook.com/RelationshipsWorkPage