March 10, 2010: Love 'Em or Lose 'Em? The 7 Essential Dating Questions to Help You Decide
Last week we talked about "The List ," the one where people write down all the qualities they desire in a mate. We also stated that "Lists" don't usually work because they are too logical and concrete.
However, there is one kind of list that we do believe is important. In fact, it's vital to deciding whether or not you should invest long term in a relationship. It's the " Feeling List. "
The "Feeling List" helps you consider how the person you are dating makes you feel through his or her thoughts and actions. Obviously, this is much more important than what kind of car he drives, whether or not she looks like Miss America, or if his ambition is to become the CEO of a company. It includes all of the intangibles that make a bigger difference in the lifetime of a relationship, than any concrete qualities you could name.
Thinking about the time you have spent with the person you are dating, step back and answer these " Feeling List " questions honestly:
1) Do I feel cared about when I am with this person?
Does he/she attend to my needs and desires, and at times put me before him/herself?
2) Do I feel heard - in thought and feeling?
Does he/she truly listen and make an effort to comprehend what I am saying and feeling?
3) Do I feel respected?
Does he/she respect me despite our differences?
4) Do I feel supported?
Does he/she help me when I need assistance?
5) Do I feel appreciated?
Does he/she thank me genuinely when I do something for him/her?
6) Do I feel accepted?
Does he/she acknowledge, understand and make room for my idiosyncrasies?
7) Do I feel important?
Does he/she put me and our relationship above work or other important obligations?
No matter how much money a person makes, what she wears or how good his sense of humor is, the way you are treated in the dating relationship is a preview of the "best" you can expect in a long-term relationship.
Happy Dating!
However, there is one kind of list that we do believe is important. In fact, it's vital to deciding whether or not you should invest long term in a relationship. It's the " Feeling List. "
The "Feeling List" helps you consider how the person you are dating makes you feel through his or her thoughts and actions. Obviously, this is much more important than what kind of car he drives, whether or not she looks like Miss America, or if his ambition is to become the CEO of a company. It includes all of the intangibles that make a bigger difference in the lifetime of a relationship, than any concrete qualities you could name.
Thinking about the time you have spent with the person you are dating, step back and answer these " Feeling List " questions honestly:
1) Do I feel cared about when I am with this person?
Does he/she attend to my needs and desires, and at times put me before him/herself?
2) Do I feel heard - in thought and feeling?
Does he/she truly listen and make an effort to comprehend what I am saying and feeling?
3) Do I feel respected?
Does he/she respect me despite our differences?
4) Do I feel supported?
Does he/she help me when I need assistance?
5) Do I feel appreciated?
Does he/she thank me genuinely when I do something for him/her?
6) Do I feel accepted?
Does he/she acknowledge, understand and make room for my idiosyncrasies?
7) Do I feel important?
Does he/she put me and our relationship above work or other important obligations?
No matter how much money a person makes, what she wears or how good his sense of humor is, the way you are treated in the dating relationship is a preview of the "best" you can expect in a long-term relationship.
Happy Dating!