February 17, 2010: Sex - Can We Talk About It?
Sex is probably the most uncomfortable, embarrassing topic that we talk about (or don't talk about) with our mates. Why is it that we have such a hard time discussing one of the most important aspects of our intimate relationship?
Blame it on the parents. Early on, most of us are taught that sex is not something we should talk about; it's taboo. Think back to your experience learning about sex? For some, parents never discussed it and you learned from friends; others were given a book like "Where Babies Come From," and dared not ask questions since they sensed their parent's discomfort. It is rare to find someone whose parents discussed the topic openly and shamelessly.
The effect of our parents avoiding or tip toeing around the issue is that we were socialized to not talk about it. We learned that discussing sex is embarrassing and uncomfortable. Add to this our mistaken beliefs, that we shouldn't have to talk about it - that it should come naturally, like on the "big screen," and you've got couples with performance anxiety who are dissatisfied with their sex lives and just don't talk about it!
So why should you dare bring this up to your partner?
Blame it on the parents. Early on, most of us are taught that sex is not something we should talk about; it's taboo. Think back to your experience learning about sex? For some, parents never discussed it and you learned from friends; others were given a book like "Where Babies Come From," and dared not ask questions since they sensed their parent's discomfort. It is rare to find someone whose parents discussed the topic openly and shamelessly.
The effect of our parents avoiding or tip toeing around the issue is that we were socialized to not talk about it. We learned that discussing sex is embarrassing and uncomfortable. Add to this our mistaken beliefs, that we shouldn't have to talk about it - that it should come naturally, like on the "big screen," and you've got couples with performance anxiety who are dissatisfied with their sex lives and just don't talk about it!
So why should you dare bring this up to your partner?
- Studies show that couples with better sex lives have better overall relationships.
- You will feel closer to your partner when you break down a barrier.
- When you learn more about each other's needs you enjoy sex more.
- Do it outside the bedroom when kids are not around.
- Create an atmosphere of positivity - e.g. "Honey, I wanted to talk about trying something new in bed."
- Express appreciation to your partner for being open.