Relate 360° is the place to go when you want to dive deep into growing your partnership. Each month we'll focus on a single topic and explore it from every angle and via a multitude of media − on our web site, through our eZine Radical Relationships, on Facebook and more. Most importantly, we want you to participate in the discussion. Find out more about Relate 360°
Here's what we are exploring this month: Gratitude in Relationships
A note from Lori and Bob Hollander:
Gratitude in relationships is our Relate 360 topic for November – so we want to take time to express how grateful we are for each of you. Whether you visit our web site to explore the topic of the month, read our Relationship Recharge tips, follow us on Twitter or participate in our relationship discussions on Facebook, you fuel our passion for this work.
We feel blessed to be in the company of so many who place love, connection and partnership high on their list of priorities. Thank you.
Gratitude - Your Greatest Relationship Asset
How much do you and your partner appreciate each other? How often do you express your gratitude?
Being grateful is one of the most valuable assets in a relationship. When you consciously express your thoughts and feelings of thankfulness for your partner, the rewards will be vast. Creating a gratitude habit will set your relationship apart from the rest. Most couples don’t do this nearly enough – but why?
In the “honeymoon” stage of a relationship, we take nothing for granted; we notice and appreciate in detail the positive efforts of our partner and are thankful for all we receive. Focusing on what we like overshadows that which we don’t like. We quite readily overlook the negatives and idealize our partner.
After the honeymoon, the extent of our appreciation for our partner depends upon our outlook, our beliefs and our consciousness about the importance of gratitude.
Ask yourself the questions below:
- Is my outlook more positive or negative?
- Do I believe that there is abundance in the world (i.e. that there is enough) or scarcity (i. e. there is not enough)?
- Do I focus on what I have or don’t have?
- Is my glass half full or half empty?
“There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.” – Albert Einstein
Happiness is not determined by what we have; it is determined by what we choose to think and subsequently feel about what we have. What choice will you make?
Now, ask yourself the following questions about gratitude and your relationship:
- Do I believe it is important to praise the efforts of my partner, or do I think, “I shouldn’t have to praise him; that’s a job he is supposed to do”?
- Do I believe that by complimenting my partner he is likely to do more of what I like, or do I believe if I compliment him too much, he will think he doesn’t have to do anymore?
- How important do I believe expressing gratitude is in nurturing my relationship?
“The deepest craving of human nature is the need to be appreciated.”
– William James
Your partner needs praise; when you give the gift of appreciation for the things he is supposed to do, you are actively “not taking your partner for granted.” Expressing gratefulness for your partner’s actions will encourage him to do more. What are you grateful for?
- How aware are you of your partner’s need for praise?
- How about your own need for praise and appreciation?
- Are you aware of how often you show gratitude towards your partner?
- How about how often he expresses gratitude towards you?
- Do I criticize my partner’s flaws more, or compliment him on his best qualities?
“The 5:1 ratio. To survive and thrive, a couple needs to have 5 positive interactions for every 1 negative interaction.” – John Gottman
There can never be enough gratitude. It’s free and it feels great. Start your gratitude habit today. Be conscious of all the things that your partner does or says. The rewards will be beyond measure.
“Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos into order, confusion into clarity.... It turns problems into gifts, failures into success, the unexpected into perfect timing, and mistakes into important events. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today and creates a vision for tomorrow.” – Melodie Beattie
Join Our TeleTopic of the Month Club and Explore a New Relationship-Growing Topic Every Month – at your Convenience
Let Lori and Bob support you in growing your relationship every single month. As a member of the TeleTopic of the Month Club, you'll receive a new audio download of our current monthly TeleClass for one year, to listen to at your convenience, for a discounted fee.
Purchased separately, audio downloads are $18 each. TeleTopic of the Month Club members pay just $12 per month via a one time annual payment of $144.
If you enjoy reading our Radical Relationships articles, you're going to love hearing Lori and Bob live as they offer their insights, perspectives and guide you deep into the topics, concepts and skills that will support you in taking your relationship to extraordinary.
Join this month and your membership will start with the teleclass on Forgiveness.
Sign up for Relationships Work's TeleTopic of the Month Club here.
What's to come in this month's Relate 360° discussion:We invite you to explore the challenging topic of forgiveness with us – what it means and how to forgive.
Here's how you can join us in exploring forgiveness:
Relationship Recharge − our weekly column with tips about communicating effectively.
To participate, subscribe to WomanTalk Live's eNewsletter.
TeleClass − our monthly live discussion about the month's topic - over the telephone. Typically, the last Thursday of the month from 8-9pm EST.
eCourse − our online eCourses fast-forward your relationship with action-oriented support.
Facebook − join us on Facebook and participate in the discussion.
Twitter − follow us for more on the topic.