September 23, 2009: Infidelity – The Ultimate Betrayal (and what you can do to prevent it)
When Gary was introduced to his new co-worker Katy, he had no inkling that their business relationship would lead to an affair. He had been “happily” married for 18 years, though he and his wife had emotionally and sexually drifted apart to some degree – not much different than their friends.
Katy’s consistent admiration of Gary’s work, stirred feelings he hadn’t felt in ages. Her flirtatiousness seemed innocent enough and it wasn’t harming anyone. During lunch together in the company cafeteria, Gary revealed to Katy that in the last couple of years he had felt disconnected from his wife. She listened with empathy and shared that she was recovering from a painful divorce.
Later that day, when Katy asked Gary for a ride home, he had no intention of kissing her, but the sexual tension was so strong that “It just happened.”
An affair is the most destructive act perpetrated upon a marriage or committed relationship. Statistics show that only 35% of marriages survive an extramarital affair; 65% breakup because of the adultery.
In one fell swoop, a lifetime of trust is shattered. Though intensely painful, the sexual infidelity is not the primary cause of the devastation. It is actually the broken promise, the secrecy and deception that wreaks the greatest havoc upon a couple.
So how can you prevent this from becoming your story?
- Talk frankly with your partner about attractions to others.
- Discuss the value you place on monogamy.
- Share how your parents’ fidelity or infidelity affected you.
- Agree upon boundaries – (e.g. going to a non-business lunch with a person of the opposite sex)
- Set yourselves up to be in the Relationship 24/7:
- Keep pictures of each other at work.
- Tell co-workers you are happily committed.
- Touch base with each other during the work day.
- Don’t get personal with co-workers about relationship problems.
- Introduce each other to fellow employees.
- Most importantly, make your emotional and sexual intimacy with your partner a priority.
Now, what are you going to do with this information?