August 12, 2009: Communicating Love
How does your partner communicate that he loves you?
Does he buy you flowers? Tell you how beautiful you look?
Expressing love is one of the most, if not the most important form of communication in a relationship. Our natural tendency is to express love the way we would like it be communicated to us. So, if you like receiving compliments as an expression of love, you may give your partner lots of compliments.
A communication problem occurs when the way we would like to receive expressions of love is not the way our partner expresses love for us. That’s why it’s vital to talk about how each of you likes to receive love.
Our paradigm of love expressions may help you discover your preferences and his.
The Expressions of Love Paradigm
Communicating love can come in the forms of Telling, Doing, Giving and Receiving.
“Telling” refers to verbal expressions of love:
• Saying “I love you”
• Compliments
• Words of appreciation
• Writing notes, cards, poems, emails, texts
“Doing” refers to taking action for and with your partner:
• Helping with household chores
• Cooking
• Planning a romantic date or a getaway
• Talking and listening with the TV, the computer and phone off
“Giving” refers to giving gifts and giving of self:
• Thoughtful gifts - small or large
• Connection – engaging, understanding, acceptance, support, forgiveness
• Physical Love – hugs, kisses, sex
“Receiving” refers to accepting your partner’s offerings of love; allowing yourself to be open and vulnerable with your partner; taking it in.
This week, have a conversation with your partner about how he likes to receive love and let him know your preferences.
Then, love your partner the way he wants to receive it, not the way you want to communicate it.