July 15, 2009: The Power of Making Conscious Choices in Uncertain Times
Adam and Karen had been happily married for six years. In their first counseling session with us, they described having grown emotionally distant since Adam lost his job eight months ago. At first, Adam was hopeful and Karen was supportive, but as days turned into months, with no job in sight, the tension in their home mounted.
In this turbulent economy, many couples face a daunting challenge: To keep their relationships healthy when the economy is ill and falling down around them. Now is the perfect time to recall the promise we make on our wedding day, “For better, for worse, For richer, for poorer.” Our vows anticipate that a “poorer” day could come, but nowhere is it written how to survive.
During periods in a marriage where life becomes unpredictable and we are keenly aware of the powerful forces we have no control over, couples have to make a conscious choice every day – to either see this an opportunity for them to grow closer and become a better team or to allow the anxiety and fear to consume the relationship, and grow apart.
Taking charge of the relationship, working together, being supportive, sharing difficult feelings without resentment or blame, and making joint decisions are the areas where we can maintain control in times of uncertainty.
With this mindset, Adam and Karen made a conscious decision to become active partners in this challenge. Once they re-connected they realized the strength of their partnership would get them through. They created a spending plan and cut back where they could. They decided to postpone their family vacation and stopped eating out for now. Coming together as a team allowed their union to be out front, instead of the worry and anxiety that had consumed them.