July 8, 2009: Financial Infidelity - Are you really cheating?
Alison buys a purse for $250 but is afraid to tell her husband. So, she tears up the receipt. What he doesn't know won't hurt him.
Mark goes to the race track and gambles $1000 instead of sticking to the $500 limit he agreed upon with his wife. He figured he'd win it back and besides she's too tight.
Mary has been putting money away in a secret bank account for eight years unbeknownst to her husband. It is her way of feeling independent.
You might be thinking what is the big deal here? The answer is that all three of these are examples of cheating on your partner financially. Financial infidelity is the act of being actively or passively dishonest with your partner about spending or saving money.
In a healthy, genuine and authentic relationship, a couple should be able to come to agreement about how money is spent and saved so that both parties feel secure in having their needs met - whether that is the need for security in a separate bank account or the desire for an expensive purse. Lying or withholding the truth in these situations leads to a breakdown in the intimacy between partners, the same as if you had a secret friend. It disrespects the relationship and speaks to a lack of trust in your partner and/or an inability to resolve conflict.
This period of economic turbulence is a good time to talk with your partner about financial goals and values and reassess your financial intimacy. Are you communicating about money? If you are cheating, ask yourself why? Have a heart to heart talk with your partner and confront these issues.
If you need help becoming more financially intimate with your partner, assistance is just a phone call away.