June 9, 2009: Do You Snorkel or Scuba Dive in Your Relationship?
I would bet many of you have gone snorkeling at a beach resort. But, how many of you have gone scuba diving? Probably only a few.
I remember our first tropical vacation when I didn't know the difference between the two. We asked the instructor, "Would you please explain the difference between snorkeling and scuba diving?"
I learned that snorkeling was swimming on the surface of the water with a mask and breathing tube, cruising around individually, checking out the underwater life in its natural setting; sort of like underwater sightseeing. The best part was that I didn't even have to put my whole head under water and no training was needed. And I didn't have to wait for Bob. Easy!
He continued - Scuba diving, on the other hand, was the adventure of a lifetime, much more intense and exciting; a richer, deeper and more substantial experience; shared with a partner. However, it involved more risk, special clothes, lots of equipment, breathing tanks, hours of water skills lessons with certification and learning how to breathe under water.
Immediately, I couldn't breathe and felt some invisible force closing in on me. I thought ... effort, time, money, facing my fears. This is too hard and I'm on vacation.
Well, needless to say we went snorkeling and traded a rich and memorable experience for a quicker, shallower thrill.
So what does this have to do with relationships? It is a perfect metaphor to take a look at how deeply intimate you are with your partner - emotionally, sexually and spiritually.
• Do you just know "about" each other sightseeing on the surface, or do you understand and connect in a deeper and richer way?
• Do you communicate your feelings and thoughts authentically - even if it's risky?
• Are you willing to be vulnerable with your partner?
• Do you talk about difficult things even if they are uncomfortable and force you to face your fears?
• Do you work as a team?
• Do you persevere through the rough times?
Skimming the surface of a relationship is easy; you can cruise, not get your hair wet, not get help when you need it, take it easy.
Developing a deeper, more intense and richer relationship, where time and energy are invested, where you learn how to breathe when the relationship feels like it's under water or troubled, where you reflect upon your and your partner's deep feelings, where you take risks and where you never forget, whether your partner is near or far, that it is not just your life - it is ours - this is the relationship that dives deep and is truly intimate in heart, mind, body and soul.